Question by Flying Stone: Anything wrong grammatically or with punctuation in this essay?
“We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”, Jeff Warner said. Cooperation is a law of life that I believe is the most powerful. It has walked with me through some of my life experiences, taught me some lessons, and opened a room of people who have displayed this trait.
When I was a younger than I am today I was part of a group in my classroom that had to complete a task and receive a grade for it based on how each member of the team worked with one another to reach our common goal, which was to sell the most hand-made bracelets. In my team, I was the most artistic, one of my associates liked to talk a lot, and
My other teammate was very good with money. We all did our jobs based on our competence, but helped one another if we needed help or advice. A perfect example of cooperation I suppose, since our team ended up having the highest grade. We all collaborated to sell our merchandise as best as we could, and even though we had different abilities we all had the same goal, – get a good grade- and we achieved it.
Lessons teach us all a great deal about others, life, and ourselves. The other day for instance, I was reading a story about a group of people who were so greedy they fought over a piece of bread that would keep them from starving. The bread turned into crumbs, and nobody wanted the crumbs so they all died. Another group with the same piece of bread decided to work together and figure out a way to keep everyone from starving. They came up with the idea of breaking the bread apart equally so everyone would have the same opportunity for life. The second group taught me the lesson, which was to work together to help everyone. As Ralph Charell once said, “It is through cooperation, rather than conflict, that your greatest successes will be derived”.
A living example of cooperation is Steven Spielberg. On the film set, Steven has a reputation for being very cooperative. I think that the only reason his movies are good is that everyone on the set feels comfortable with the mood he sets, and does a fantastic performance. Mr. Spielberg has made numerous movies that have given him the title of a world-class filmmaker; some of his movies include Jaws, and Jurassic Park.
Cooperation is a trait that means the most to me; it brings us all together for a mutual goal all of us want to accomplish. Cooperation has been apart of my experiences, lessons, and role models. I plan to always remember what
cooperation is all about because working together makes life better. “Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on cooperation, not intimidation.”- William Arthur Wood.
Answer by ikilledyourcar
You might want to revise that second sentence in the second paragraph. Also depending on your age and writing level, the introduction may be revised.
I try not to start a report with a quote. You can have a quote in the introduction, and by all means do, but the first sentence often paints a visual picture for everyone. It doesn’t have to be factual, or set to rigidity. Just point your statement in the general direction of the article and let your imagination run.
For instance you could just take your last two sentences of the introduction and put them in front of your quote, then say “As in the words of Jeff Warner…” then put the quote.
Your grammar is otherwise up to par, and the article flows well.
The only thing I can think of is to adjust some commas here and there, and read it aloud to yourself to see how it flows and if you can change it to be better. You’re your own best critic.
What do you think? Answer below!