Question by scarlettkon: Is this application essay any good?
I’m applying for an acting program at an arts academy, this essay is part of the application, which asks “Why do you want to attend the *** Arts Academy? How will you benefit from an *** Arts education?”
This is my reply, any feedback would be amazing, thank you!
Acting has always been my deepest passion. This is not a fact that developed slowly and gradually as I got over; it was a sudden, crashing epiphany that illuminated my life in the moment I first adapted a role. I remember vividly the first film I saw: The Wizard of Oz. I remember wanting to be Judy and discover those sparkling shoes, to fall asleep in a field of posies and triumph over the bad witch. I remember my mother letting me borrow her old Dorothy costume my grandmother had sewn for her in elementary school so my friends and I could put on a neighborhood production. And of course I remember the instant I was singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” I would never love anything else more than acting. I immediately asked to join a youth theatre in town and since Dorothy, I have been a host of other wonderful characters: Hermia, Molly, a calf, Cindy Lou Who, and many more each precious in individual ways. It has only taken me all these years to apply for enrollment at an arts academy because I felt that my father would rather see me applying myself to a more conservative interest. My father was born and raised in a small town in Georgia. He always knew he would have to apply himself to an assuredly profitable profession if he wanted to provide his own children with opportunities he did not have. He is now a successful radiologist in Orlando, Florida and a spectacular dad, who is currently providing me with the opportunity to study in Ireland for my junior year of high school. When I suggested participating in a program to study abroad, he regarded this decision as an opportunity to discover my true passion, decide goals and figure out how to reach them. He has since been insisting that I follow my dreams. I had known all along in secret that all I could ever want to do is act, so I researched academies that offer acting programs, and *** came up consistently as a fantastic school with an impeccable reputation for molding artists into the best that they can be. I knew right away that *** is where I need to be. When I revealed this to my father during a visit over winter break, he was not ecstatic, but could clearly see my determination in the matter and has been very supportive of my striving for acceptance to the school.
There are so many ways I could benefit just from attending the school. I will use the training to my advantage in every way to learn, and grow as an actor. I will be able to absorb and use all the knowledge bestowed upon me during the course at the academy to develop my skill in the performing arts. I am inexplicably determined and passionate about acting, and strive for no less than excellence in each and every performance big or small. I may never be Judy Garland, but with the resources that *** provides, I have no doubt I could come close.
Answer by Josh S
Overall, it’s a very good application essay. There are a couple grammatical problems. “Over” in the second sentence where I think you meant “older.” You need a period at the end of the sentence that starts “And of course I remember…” The only other thing that I can think of is that you might want to add some more evidence that will support your decision to go to the school, like their credentials that convinced you to go. You don’t want to be overly flattering, but you want them to know that you did your research and you’re positive that they are the school for you and you’re the kind of student that they want. Also, maybe make the background information a little more concise, with most of the emphasis on your own acting credentials. They’re more interested in what you’ve done and what you can do, and less about your history. You’ll have the chance to tell that story when you make it big and write an autobiography. Haha. Good Luck, though!
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